Peeking at 2020

New Year's Eve is the night I think I look forward to more than any other in the year … with perhaps the exception of the night in the fall when we turn our clocks back for one extra hour of sleep!

Our family has so many little traditions around New Year's Eve. As many of us as can gather for snacks, conversation, a game or two, some singing, and fireworks close to midnight to launch the new year in style.

But what draws us together more than anything else is the anticipation of the promise we will receive for the year ahead.

My Dad started this tradition decades ago, and we his children and grandchildren lovingly carry it on in his honour.

This year we met at Allan and Angie's home. The table was, of course, weighted down with deliciousness. We snacked and conversed and laughed, getting reacquainted with old friends over for the evening. Tonight's game was Catchphrase; the men won, I feel obliged to report.

And then as the clock ticked past 11, we drew together and Allan read us a short piece written by Charles Spurgeon pondering the departing year and heralding the new one. We sang some songs together, comfortable, familiar songs putting our minds' focus on the faithfulness of God.

Allan lifted the same old antique platter with the verses typed on ribbons and lovingly arranged on it by our sister, each one a promise for the new year almost upon us. Angie prayed for us, that we would be given a promise that would meet us where we were, that would sustain us and speak to us through 2020.

Then we went around the room and selected a ribbon. When we had each chosen one, we read our promises aloud, a chance to share the hope and the comfort that had been given to us, or the challenge that had been issued to spur us on to new growth in our journey with God and with our fellow pilgrims.

A couple more songs, and then it was our own private fireworks display! Our nephew Matthew has treated us to this gift since he was able to buy fireworks; and each year it becomes more jubilant than the year before!

The clock, of course, had been relentlessly pushing us into the next day; so the Good Rancher and I left after whipping up a bottle of milk for little Gabe, the Christmas Calf. (When we arrived at his lodging he did not seem to mind in the least getting a feed at around 2:00 a.m. ...)

And as I crawled into bed shortly after 2:30, my promise for the year started to make its way into my heart.

This particular passage keeps showing up in the life of the Good Rancher and me. At his first New Year's Eve with my family, he selected the ribbon that bore this verse. It was an encouragement to him that God was going to start a new chapter in his life. 

We married two months later, and my family presented us a wall plaque they had comissioned with these verses on it. 

The New Year's Eve after my Dad died, the Good Rancher again happened to select the ribbon containing these two verses.

This year, after an inexplicably tough year, I received the verses.

On New Year's Day several of us headed up to Deb and Jonathan's home for an Indian feast, just like we used to enjoy when Dad was with us. The next day, I met a couple for lunch who has grown very dear to me over the past year, becoming akin to mentors. They knew some of the difficulties I had encountered in 2019. I knew of some of the struggles they had experienced, and I am well aware that the two are not in the same league by any means. Still, with great patience and kindness they listened to me and counseled me. Then - the greatest gift of all - they prayed for me. 

I prayed for them too, and inexplicably was moved to pray for myself, asking God to show me if I had been a detriment to anyone this past year, and where I had failed Him. 

Earlier in 2019 I had been able to go away for a few days, with a sister to a sister. On our trip, she introduced me to the music of Steve Bell and the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra. For Christmas she gave me the CD. 

I was listening intently to it all the way home after lunch with my friends. Today I realised I was humming one song over and over again, Eventide, the very last song on the CD. And through this song, God so kindly pointed out where one of my greatest errors had been this past year: I had - directly or indirectly - caused pain for people I dearly love. In return, this had caused me to face roadblock after high wall after moat with crocodiles. I was not impervious: my action or inaction, my words or silence, had ultimately resulted in pain for me too.

Along with my sad new knowledge, at least one reason for receiving this particular promise became clear to me as its words flowed over me like warm, healing oil.

God was offering His forgiveness to me, and was telling me that, just as He would not hold my transgressions against me, I too must not hold on to the things - thoughts, habits, attitudes - of the past. He Himself is going to "do a new thing ... a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." And, best of all, "shall [I] not know it?"

I was being given a second chance.

Eventide is based on verses 9 and 10 in the Old Testament book of 1 Chronicles chapter 4. The man Jabez prays:

So alongside my verses full of rich promise and reassurance, I am choosing this song as my song for the year, a reminder for me to lean continually on God, who will help me not to cause pain.

In the inevitable hindsight at the end of 2020 I want to be able to say that I lived this year with clarity of vision and insight. That I was not a coward.

That I am living proof of God's working in me.

Happy New Year!